Mohammed Al-Fayed vs. HM Government

Sabyn Javeri-Jillani reviews a British Asian play with an irreverent take at the question of nationality in Britain

This is the second of a series of British Council sponsored articles to be published in Dawn Images- Pakistan's premier entertainment weekly. These articles written by a UK based Pakistani writer depict the culture, creativity and diversity of the UK and are a result of a partnership initiative of British Council Pakistan and daily Dawn

‘All I want is a British passport!’ the latest one-man show to grace London’s stage, is a thought provoking satire on peoples obsession with the little maroon booklet and the mania of immigration procedures. It’s a humorous attempt at explaining the Englishman’s resistance to accept and the immigrant’s pursuit for acceptance in a country where he is needed but not wanted. The play brings out the contradictions in British society at accepting foreigners, especially Muslims. In it’s very essence, its racism attacked with humor.

Writer, actor Nadim Sawalha, craftily portrays intolerance and cultural segregation while hiding behind the rusty armor of Britain’s most famous grocer, owner of Harrods and potential father-in-law to Princess Diana- Mohammed Al Fayed. He cleverly reveals the xenophobic attitudes of the establishment towards the changing face of British culture but saves the play from turning anti-establishment, by balancing it with the settler’s equally passive victimized view of a home where he’s required but not welcome. In doing so he astutely mocks the absurdity of a man desperate to belong to the dominant culture and in the same breath pays homage to the very idiosyncrasies of the English personalities he mimics. Within this mimicry lies the heart of the contradiction- the eternal love-hate relationship of East and West, colonizers and colonized, white and black, them and us.

Directed by Kristine Landon-Smith, the play starts with Sawalha gliding down the steps of Soho Theatre. With a complacent smile on his face and a haughty arch to the brow, he generously pats a man in the front row and generously offers another punter a couple of Viagras for better health. Dressed in a silvery, double-breasted suit he is every bit the man Home Office dreads. He is ofcourse Egyptian born Mohammed Al-Fayed. In his own words, ‘a poet by inclination, a grocer by profession and the owner of a little corner shop in Knightsbridge’. Those of you, who’ve been to London and are familiar with Harrods, would know that it’s anything but a corner shop. Infact it’s a landmark tourist attraction.  For those of you who haven’t as yet had the pleasure of roaming the chilly sidewalks of London, Harrods is a colossal and very posh department store with a tradition of Royalty attached to it. In the words of Sawalha, before the store went Halal (was bought by a Muslim) it had the honor of providing toilet paper to the Royal loos.

He goes on to narrate his rise to the top, starting from the point where he arrived empty handed on this tiny island. He worked hard and saved money and one fine day when a store was up for sale he went and bought it. But its not just any store you say, it’s Harrods! A landmark, every blue-blooded Briton is proud to acclaim as truly English. Al Fayed casually explains that he bought it because he had dough for the asking price, well not really, he does admit to some good old fashioned Eastern bargaining!

In Al-Fayed’s cursory bad English, we are told about the story of his life before he turns to his great obsession-‘the refusal of a corrupt Establishment to give him the passport he deserves!’

‘Why do I want a British passport?’ he questions. ‘For the good English weather, the cheerful nature of the people, the tasty food?’ His sarcasm has the audience in splits as he goes on to add that not even owning London’s most famous ‘corner shop’, being pals with Maggie (as in Thatcher) and potential grandfather to heir to the throne would make him suitably British. He would always be Mohammed- the foreigner.

As it sometimes happens when the actor is fond of the character he plays, Sawalha only briefly touches on Al-Fayed’s cash-for-questions scandal. It was rumored that Al-Fayed bribed MPs to raise questions in the parliament, about his pending passport application. On the verge of sounding a paranoid fantasist (passport applications do that to most people) he goes on to describe how Maggie Thatcher came wiggling in to Harrods and promised to help him in return for Harrods gift vouchers! But what took the cake was his take on Prince Philip, who being ‘a cheapskate of a Royal’, in a bid to discuss his passport plea, took him for a cheapie lunch in his cheapie car, and stole his Bus pass!’

Conveniently oblivious to the reasons behind his refused passport, Al-Fayed wonders what sits between him and the passport. In between conversations on his mobile about ‘where to find a cash filled parcel to speed up the job’ and ‘how to get cheap transplants in Casablanca’ and expressions like ‘just when you think the world is yours- it farts in your face’, he fails to find anything un-English about himself.

Briefly touching on the painful subject of his son Dodi’s death, he urges Dodi to skip the queue to meet God, by slipping the Angels a fiver. Those who followed the romance of Dodi Al-Fayed and Princess Diana would know how shocking it was for the West to discover Di dating a Muslim- after all they’d barely gotten over losing Jemima!

Though one can imagine how painful it must have been for Al-Fayed to lose his son, especially with speculations of murder conspiracies still rife, Sawalha steers clear of any sensitive accusations. He does however add a verse that sums up hopelessness and pain of a father who tragically lost his son and his beloved in the course of one night. ‘I had a son-he burned so bright and flew so high, he nearly touched the son’, he reminisces. But before the play turns into a Greek tragedy, in true businessman style, he’s called away by his mobile, to be informed that his plea for a British Passport, despite his 30 tax paying years in the country, has been once again refused.

‘So no passport for me, huh?’ muses the dejected applicant, who despite all his money and power is as helpless as the next émigré in line for a maroon passport.

And so the struggle continues- the murky depths surrounding issues of identity and belonging continue to mystify. Though the play is an undeniable caustic comic solo, asking more questions then providing answers, it’s not a mean spirited one. Just when you think Sawalha is on a culture-bashing spree, he balances it out by giving sympathetic reasons for the stiffness of English Upper-class and exposing the shortcuts of his own kind. His use of gestures and coarse expressions remind one of home where change in monetary status doesn’t necessarily mean change in class!

Nonchalant Nadim

Actor-writer Nadim Sawalha was frustrated by the endless brigade of Middle Eastern Muslim villains on stage and films-so he decided to become one.

He played Osama on stage before Bin Laden of the same first name rose to the top of FBI’s most wanted list. He developed and performed the unforgettable character of George Khan in East is East before the play became a run away hit film. He enacted the impeccable characteristics of Pakistan’s first PM Liaquat Ali Khan in the film Mountbatten. He gave the good guys a run for their money in 70’s Bond films and single-handily took on HM’s immigration department in his latest West End offering (bashing!) ‘All I want is a British passport’. He is the incorrigible Nadim Sawalha- one of the few eastern actors/writers who has made a name for themselves in the British entertainment industry. On meeting Sawalha I found him to be every bit as witty and sharp as his plays. I asked him about his play ‘Osama- a Moslem nobleman’s view of the crusades’, expecting to be told tales of vigour and courage at taking on America. But instead of cashing in on the 9/11 fame, he informed me that his Osama had nothing to do with Americas most wanted. His Osama was a long ago conqueror who crossed far away borders to explore different cultures. As an expatriate, Nadim could relate to this feeling of fascination and frustration with foreign culture and decided to give Osama’s tale his voice. The play written and performed by Nadim is full of caustic satire, which has fast become his trademark.

Was that once again a satire on modern day Osama’s viewpoint, I asked him.
Smiling mischievously he replied, ‘I believe in letting off steam through laughter!’

Sawalha came to Britain 30 years ago to study acting and decided to stay on to absorb the culture. Originally from the Middle East, Sawalha found the cool and reserved ways of Britain difficult to adjust to. ‘Coming from a place where the hearts of people are as warm as the climate’, he joked, ‘it was a bit of culture shock to adjust to the cool and controlled ways of the English.’

How did he manage to cross the cultural divide? ‘Once the mould is cast it is very difficult to cross the cultural divide,’ he answered. ‘I came here in my 20s and by then my ways were set. It was a steep climb but after completing drama studies, I worked for BBC’s overseas department and that helped me break in to my new environment gently. Didn’t the duality of working in an eastern environment within a Western country press him down? ‘Not at all! I enjoyed the mental gymnastics of balancing the two cultures side by side. During the day I was surrounded by Arabs, Pakistani’s and Indians, which kept me from feeling homesick and after work I put on my English hat and opened myself up to European culture.’

But was the West as eager to embrace him, as he was to experience the West?
‘I have never faced any racism’, he replied, ‘but then again I have been lucky enough to bask in educated and cultured company who are open to cultural gen. I know that there are many who have faced discrimination- not necessarily because of prejudice but because of lack of awareness.’

Did he feel all that is changing now, with the focus on diversity stronger then ever?
There are certainly more opportunities for non-white actors and writers then there were 20 years ago. Young Europeans consider Asians as their equal. They are respected and given equal opportunities in drama, arts and entertainment. ‘Which’, he joked, ‘reflects well on my generation- who paved the way?’

Agreed there is more work around for Asian actors but aren’t they typecast in stereo type Western viewpoints especially Muslims? ‘Writers can be ignorant- afraid to delve deeper into Eastern cultures. Often they do not know what to do with other cultures thus the type casting’. Well, that explains why all the good Asian plays are written by Asians themselves! Nadim agreed to that but also added that he never felt typecast because he always tries to bring something real to his characters. On the contrary an English actor can’t play the gun toting terrorist, or shout in a shrill Egyptian accent “It wasn’t me who stole the jewel” or even the bearded Pakistani butcher with a wife back home and one in Bradford. ‘It isn’t me who’s typecast if you know what I mean!’

The West End is not the only medium Nadim has worked in. He also stared in Hollywood films like, Son of Pink Panther, The living daylights and The spy who loved me.

So how was the experience of working with Hollywood?
‘It reminded me of a travelling circus!’ Seeing my surprise he went on to explain that huge sets would be erected, camps would be set up and the next day everything would be packed up and the crew would on their way. ‘You could never have guessed that there was a huge set up on that spot just a day ago. It was fascinating to watch- not unlike Jordan’s travelling caravans!’

In the myriad of characters, Sawalha has played; there are two memorable Pakistani characters as well.  He played George Khan in the stage version of East is East and Prime Minister Liaqat Ali Khan In the film Mountbatten.

How did he prepare for these roles?
‘Whenever I do something outside my immediate culture, I spend time observing and absorbing the nuances of that culture. For my role in East is East, I spent a lot of time with a Pakistani butcher; talking to him about his life, his worries and his beliefs. I also went to Bradford and spent time in the Pakistani community.

For my role in Mountbatten I turned to my Pakistani friends form my BBC days. I would sit with them and discuss my character’s history. At the same time I would quietly observe their mannerisms, their use of certain recurring expressions, their way of nodding and the hand gestures they used.

I wanted to really get in the skin of the character and even went to the extent of shaving my head so I could be bald like the character’.

And what did he think of Pakistan and its people?
Nadim laughed and said that Pakistan’s brand of Islam fascinated him as the export was stronger then the origin! When I asked to explain he narrated an anecdote to me. ‘Once I was sitting in the BBC canteen with some Pakistani friends, when one of them asked me a question to which I replied yes. He answered, ‘You can’t be a true Momen because you said yes when you should have said InshaAllha (if Allah wills).

‘I find it interesting that in Arabia where Islam originated, there seems to be more tolerance. In Pakistan though there seems to be more attention to packaging then content by which I mean faith’. Of course he admitted that he couldn’t generalise but was only talking through a particular experience.

Through the years Nadim has made a name for himself in the arts industry as an actor who’s not afraid to experiment. He’s worked in numerous radio plays like Nasser’s Eden and BBC’s Tutti Frutti Holy Man; acted in popular Television series such as The Bill, as Hussain Rafiq in Close and True and as Al Fayed in BBC’s Justice in Wonderland. His recent theatre credits include The waiting room at the Royal national theatre, in which he played an Indian character ‘Pradip’ and film credits include The Holy Man and Moses and the Exodus. I asked him what he thought of his acting career in his chosen land.

Did he think he has made it?
‘I think the journey is more important t then the actual destination. My goal has never been to be a celebrity but to enjoy each piece of acting and writing and to learn and grow with the experience it brings.’

From a performer as diverse as Nadim Sawalha, a writer who with his wit turned the tables on East-bashing, what other answer can you expect!