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Capitulation. Annihilation. Humiliation. An amazing performance. The best test ever. The biggest defeat ever. There will be many highly charged adjectives and immense superlatives thrown about in the next few days and weeks by the  Australian and English press. All of them will heap praise on the Aussie cricket machine and deride the pathetic, almost unbelievable performance of the English.

The English. What is it with the psychology of English sportsmen that they seem to implode when the screws are turned? We saw it this summer in perhaps the greatest event of all, the World Cup. Now this performance in the glorious surrounds of the Adelaide oval only confirms that the current holders of the precious urn are champion Pommy bottlers through and through.

As I sat after work (how civilised!) with my good mate Steve in a pub full to the rafters with a group of delirious Aussies and despondent Englishmen, I felt a distinct feeling of mixed emotions. On the one hand the patriot in me was revelling in the glory of winning and humiliating the ‘old enemy’ at the same time. On the other hand I was fearful of the fact that another win for us would mean an early end to the contest as far as this year’s Ashes are concerned. This now seems to be the case!

As I sit here tonight and stare out at Sydney harbour, I am trawling through the internet and listening to a selection of English podcasts made immediately after the fifth day’s play last night. Pundits from The BBC, The Independent and The Guardian are all dumbfounded by the result and seem about as dejected as the players themselves. It is a sobering feeling listening to great ex-players such as Geoffrey Boycott as they summarise the performance of the two teams and stare pessimistically into the future. It’s something like coming across a car crash – you want to turn away but feel compelled to look at the wreck in some sort of macabre way.

Thinking about it more I really am very annoyed with this result and worried that my carefully laid plans for my Christmas holiday are now in tatters. Day upon day of planned cricket viewing may now have to make way for other pursuits such as swimming, surfing or, dare I say it, talking to my family about non-cricketing matters. It just will not do!

The line I think best sums up the English performance is the old classic ‘England snatch defeat from the jaws of victory’. I need say no more. Until next time people.

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