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To the tune of Mozart Concerto K.495, movement III
With apologies to Flanders and Swann!
I once had whim and I had to obey it
To bid for a bargain I found on e-Bay
I located it, and I put in my first bid
In spite of my wife who was telling me “Nay”
To make my bid
I had to ignore all her cries of “No!”
I made my bid
And hoped it would win at first go.
So carefully planned
To win the bid and
Give me cash in hand –
Make me a grand!
Oh the hours that I spent awake
Hoping that my bid they’d take
But that was yesterday
And just today
I looked at the lot that was for sale
And turned very pale
The lot was sold to another
Oh who could have bought it?
Haven’t you, hasn’t anyone seen my lot?
Oh who has it now?
What a blow, such demand
Now I’m broke and will never make my grand!
Who nicked my bid?
I bet you a quid some dealer did
Knowing I found a great bargain
And wanted to win it
Afraid of my buying and making a grand
From early today, to my utter dismay
They had whipped it away in the palm of their hand.
I lost my bid!
I know that I could have won yesterday
I’ve lost my bid – lost my bid
Found my bid – DEAD!
But there’s hope of getting some more
I keep peeping in at the door
I know some traveling folk
Whose delight and joke
Is pretending they deal with antiques
But they are gone away
Was it one of them who won on the day?
Will you kindly withdraw you bid?
Who is the devil who upped that bid?
I shall tell the whole world!
I want that bid for me
I miss the profit that I should have made
Without that lot I’m like a sheep that’s shorn
I found me a lot and I played a bid for it
Displaying my talent and acumen too
But then just today
To my utter dismay
It was totally stolen away
I planned out my bids and how I could extend it
But somebody took it away
I worked out my profit and wanted to spend it
But somebody took it away
My wife is asleep in her bed
But I need to get out of the red
So I’m selling my body instead – waa waa!
© Peter Wyllie
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