A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Agriculture
"That farmer can do magic!" "Really?" See cartoon
"What are you doing, woman?" "You told me to sew the corn!" See cartoon

Alternative medicine
"Doctor, you've removed my appendix, tonsils, gall bladder and ... ". See cartoon

Animal conservation
"Why are you always arguing?" "Because ..." See cartoon

Animals
"Don't fly upside down, whatever you do!". See cartoon
"Do you know why we coyotes are different from fleas?" "No, why ...?" See cartoon
"Goodness! What happened to you?" "I've just come from ..." See cartoon
"Hello, Honey" See cartoon
"How's life?" "Oh, up and ..." See cartoon
"I don't like playing games with him." "Me neither ...". See cartoon
"I don't need to weigh myself." "No? Why not?" See cartoon
"I don't wanna flee!" "Me ..." See cartoon
"I never eat weathermen." "No, why not?" "Because ..." See cartoon
"My polar bear is really cheap to feed!" "Really? Why's that?" See cartoon
"Pleased to meet you." "Charmed ..." See cartoon
"So you've eaten the cheese. Now what?" "I'm going to sit by this mouse hole ..." See cartoon
"This is the key we New Zealanders have been searching for!" See cartoon
"What animal is that?" "It's a moose from Canada." "A moose? Och! They must ..." See cartoon
"What are you doing?" "I'm going against ..." See cartoon
"What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?" See cartoon
"What do you get if you cross a praying mantis with a termite?" "An insect that ..." See cartoon
"What do you mean I don't deserve..." See cartoon
"What's black and white and read all over?" "A sunburnt penguin?" "No, silly! A ..." See cartoon
"What sort of animal is that?" "It's a p-i-i-i-g." "Why do you call it that?". See cartoon
"Why are you always arguing?" "Because ..." See cartoon
"Why are you chasing your tail, poor dog? " See cartoon
"Why are you so jumpy?" "I'm excited. I was born on February 29th ...". See cartoon
"Why have you got that steak on your head?" See cartoon
"You look like you're enjoying yourself." "Oh, yes! I'm having ..." See cartoon
"You've just destroyed half the forest, spoilt the waterhole and smashed all the nests!" "That's why ..." See cartoon
"Your voice sounds a bit strange." See cartoon

April fool's day
"What are you doing? You aren't going to hurt me, are you?" "No, don't worry, I'm ..." See cartoon

Archaeology
"My career is in ruins!" Well don't look so miserable, you are ..." See cartoon

Assassination
"Duck, Mr President!" "Whew! That was ..." See cartoon

Australia
"What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?" See cartoon

Aviation
"Hello. I'm Jack Jones and I'm your captain on this flight." "Hi ..." See cartoon

Awards
"The winner of this year's award ... for finally discovering his new computational method after a lifetime's work ... is ..." See cartoon

Banking
"Why do you want to work in a bank?" "Because ..." See cartoon

Beaches
"Mummy?" "Yes, dear" "We didn't bring anything to eat" See cartoon
"Which is the best day to go to the beach, do you think?" See cartoon

Bilingualism
"I don't seem to be very good at learning foreign languages." "Why don't you try Russian?" "Because ... " See cartoon

Biodiversity
"What sort of animal is that?" "It's a p-i-i-i-g." "Why do you call it that?". See cartoon

Biotechnology
"Goodness! What's happened to Bobby?" "His jeans ..." See cartoon
"What sort of animal is that?" "It's a p-i-i-i-g." "Why do you call it that?". See cartoon
"Which pair of chromosomes determines the sex of a person?" "I'm not sure. Just let me ..." See cartoon

Birth
"Who is bigger - Mrs Bigger or Mrs Bigger's baby?" See cartoon

Board games
"All you ever think about is chess! When was the last time you even talked to me?" "Um ... six ..." See cartoon

Books
"What's that book you're reading?" "It's Moby Dick" "Ah! ... " See cartoon

Calendars
"Why are you so jumpy?" "I'm excited. I was born on February 29th ...". See cartoon

Canada
"What animal is that?" "It's a moose from Canada." "A moose? Och! They must ..." See cartoon

Charities
"Well, miss, as you have given so generously to the collection you may choose three hymns for today’s service". See cartoon

Chinese New Year
"Why are you chasing your tail, poor dog? " See cartoon

Christmas
"Santa, why are you out here in the garden?" See cartoon
“It’s Christmas ..." See cartoon

Circus
"How's life?" "Oh, up and ..." See cartoon

City vs country
"That farmer can do magic!" "Really?" See cartoon

Classical music
"My tuba's broken. How can I fix it?" "Why don't you use a ..." See cartoon
"What on earth are you doing?" "You told me to listen to ..." See cartoon

Collecting things
"What did the envelope say to the stamp?" See cartoon

Commonwealth
"Do the tours include safaris? " See cartoon
"I can boast citizenship of an east African country." "Can ya?" No, ... " See cartoon
"Pleased to meet you." "Charmed ..." See cartoon
"This is the key we New Zealanders have been searching for!" See cartoon
"What animal is that?" "It's a moose from Canada." "A moose? Och! They must ..." See cartoon
"What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?" See cartoon
"What's thick, black, floats on water, and uses lots of bad words?". See cartoon
"Which language do you think he speaks?" "Pidgin" See cartoon

Computer games
"Somebody's put roast pork in my CD drive!" "Has it stopped working?" "No, but ..." See cartoon

Computers
"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like I'm part of the Internet!" "Hmm ... yes, you do look ..." See cartoon
"Do you like shopping on the Internet?" "No! ..." See cartoon
"Somebody's put roast pork in my CD drive!" "Has it stopped working?" "No, but ..." See cartoon

Conspiracies
"Why do you think Bill and Jack are stupid, Mum?" "Why do you ask that?" See cartoon

Consumer society
"Do you like shopping on the Internet?" "No! ..." See cartoon

Cooperatives
"What do you mean I don't deserve..." See cartoon

Credit
"Could I please see the person who organises loans?" "I'm afraid that the loan arranger isn't here just now." "Can I speak to ... ?" See cartoon

Creepy crawlies
"Pleased to meet you." "Charmed ..." See cartoon
"What do you get if you cross a praying mantis with a termite?" "An insect that ..." See cartoon

Crime
"I don't mind if I have to finish my full term in prison." "Really? Why's that?" "Because my wife ..." See cartoon
"What is your occupation, Mr Dean?" "I'm an English teacher, Your Honour." "That's just as well ..." See cartoon

Cryptology
"Do we have any talking parrots?" "No, but we have a woodpecker ...". See cartoon

Cultural heritage
"How could Roman workers see in the dark?" "What do you mean? Why do you ask?". See cartoon

Dance
"There are only two things preventing you from becoming the greatest ballet dancer in the world." "Really? What are they?" See cartoon

Death
"You should get out of autopsy, you know.” “Really, why’s that?” See cartoon

Deserts
"Do you know why we coyotes are different from fleas?" "No, why ...?" See cartoon

Development
"Are people in big cities stupid, Sir?" "No of course not! Why on earth do you ask?" "Because my book says ..." See cartoon

Dinosaurs
"You've just destroyed half the forest, spoilt the waterhole and smashed all the nests!" "That's why ..." See cartoon

Disability
"Grandma? Is that a wheelchair?" See cartoon

Disarmament
"Mummy, I have to take a gun to school tomorrow!" "A gun? You must be joking! Why do you say that?" See cartoon

Disasters
"I knew we shouldn't have traded with that vegetable supply company." "No? Why not?" See cartoon

Dreams
"What are you doing?" "I'm day-dreaming ... about riding a horse in the moonlight." "That's not a day-dream ..." See cartoon

Drugs
"Have you been taking drugs again?" "No, of course not! Why do you ask?" "Because you ..." See cartoon

Ecotourism
"They say you can make lots of money ..." See cartoon

England
"How do I get to the Royal Opera House?" See cartoon

Environment
"Tomorrow you're all going to walk around the school grounds and collect rubbish." "Do we need any training?" "No ..." See cartoon

Exams
"In this exam you will be allowed ten minutes for each question". See cartoon

Explorers
"My ship is like a shopping fanatic." "Really? Why's that?" "It's driven ..." See cartoon

Extra sensory perception (ESP)
"I can never read your mind, stupid man, it's like a bullet in a Hollywood movie!" See cartoon

Extreme sports
"Why are you bringing your surfboards to London?" "We heard that you've got ..." See cartoon

Families
"I can trace my family tree back a really long way." "Yes, back to ..." See cartoon

Festivals
"Are you coming along to the festival?" "I can't. I have ..." See cartoon

Folklore
"I'm going to give up teaching!" "Really? Why's that Cyclops?" "Because I've only got ... " See cartoon

Food
"Can you vouch for the quality of the water?" "Madam, all drinking water in this establishment has been personally ..." See cartoon
"How did you find your steak, Sir?" "Quite ..." See cartoon"
"I'm on a seafood diet." "Seafood? But that's turkey!" "Yes, but the more ..." See cartoon
"This restaurant must have a very clean kitche." " Yes, I agree. All the food ..." See cartoon
"Waiter! This food isn't fit for a pig!" "Very well, Madam. In that case ..." See cartoon

Football
"How come the football pitch is a triangle?" See cartoon
"You can't come into my nice clean house!" "No, why not?" "Because ..." See cartoon
"Who are you?" "I'm a big game hunter." "What are you doing here?" "I'm ..." See cartoon

Gambling
"I don't like playing games with him." "Me neither ...". See cartoon

Gardens and plants
"Annie, what do you call the 'skin' of a tree?""I don't know." "Bark, girl, bark!" See cartoon
"Hello, Honey" See cartoon

Global warming
"What's the matter with the ozone layer, anyway?" "Its hole." "it's ..." See cartoon

Hallowe'en
"Can I have a vodka, please?" "I'm sorry sir, but ..." See cartoon

Health
“Doctor, Doctor, he’s just swallowed a roll of film!” See cartoon
“Doctor! I’m exhausted! I just can’t sleep at night!” See cartoon
"Doctor! Doctor! Some days I feel like a wig-wam and other days I feel like a tee pee!" See cartoon
"Doctor, Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room!” See cartoon
“Doctor! Doctor!” “What is it Mr Thimble?” “My nose runs and my feet smell. What’s the matter with me?” See cartoon
“Doctor! Doctor!” “What’s the matter?” “I think I’m a pair of curtains!” See cartoon
"Doctor, you've removed my appendix, tonsils, gall bladder and ... ". See cartoon
"Tetanus! TB! Measles!" "Why is he doing that?". See cartoon

Home
"I assume you've got a very good reason for arriving home like this at 7 o'clock in the morning?" "Yes, I have ..." See cartoon

Human rights
"I don't mind if I have to finish my full term in prison." "Really? Why's that?" "Because my wife ..." See cartoon

Hunting
"Who are you?" "I'm a big game hunter." "What are you doing here?" "I'm ..." See cartoon

India
"Pleased to meet you." "Charmed ..." See cartoon

Indigenous people
"Which language do you think he speaks?" "Pidgin" See cartoon

Information society
"Do you like shopping on the Internet?" "No! ..." See cartoon

Ireland
"Do you want to buy some of my magic snake oil? It's guaranteed to get rid of all snakes!" "But there are no snakes ..." See cartoon

Islands
"Why is an island like the letter T?" "Because they're both in the ..." See cartoon

Jobs and work
"Can I have a vodka, please?" "I'm sorry sir, but ..." See cartoon
"Could I please see the person who organises loans?" "I'm afraid that the loan arranger isn't here just now." "Can I speak to ... ?" See cartoon
"Do you enjoy working as a postman?" "Not really. It's very hard being given ..." See cartoon
"Hello. I'm Jack Jones and I'm your captain on this flight." "Hi ..." See cartoon
"Here's your ..." See cartoon
"How could Roman workers see in the dark?" "What do you mean? Why do you ask?". See cartoon
"How do I get to the Royal Opera House?" See cartoon
“I’d love to be an actress.” “Break your leg then!” “Whatever for?” “Because you’ll be ...” See cartoon
"I don't like working for the Internal Revenue Service" See cartoon
"I knew we shouldn't have traded with that vegetable supply company." "No? Why not?" See cartoon
"I'm going to be an astronaut when I grow up" "Goodness ..." See cartoon
"I'm sorry, darling, I'm a teacher and you're a train conductor. It will never work out." "Why do you say that?" "Because we're just so different! I ..." See cartoon
"I want to be a puppeteer when I grow up." "Oh really? Why's that?" "So that I can ...". See cartoon
"Just make sure you build this road completely straight." "Why, master?" "We don't want our soldiers ..." See cartoon
"My career is in ruins!" Well don't look so miserable, you are ..." See cartoon
Physicists Are Funny Club. See cartoon
"That farmer can do magic!" "Really?" See cartoon
"The winner of this year's award ... for finally discovering his new computational method after a lifetime's work ... is ..." See cartoon
"What are you doing?" "The editor told me to ..." See cartoon
"What are you doing, woman?" "You told me to sew the corn!" See cartoon
"Who are you? What are you doing here?" "Why, I'm a ..." See cartoon
"What do you get if you cross a magician with a bat?". See cartoon
"What is your occupation, Mr Dean?" "I'm an English teacher, Your Honour." "That's just as well ..." See cartoon
"What's the problem? Why won't the car start?" "The battery's flat." See cartoon
"What sort of animal is that?" "It's a p-i-i-i-g." "Why do you call it that?". See cartoon
"Why do you want to work in a bank?" "Because ..." See cartoon
"Your Majesty! Why have you been drawing straight lines all over this paper?" "Because ..." See cartoon

Jokes
"Ha! Ha! Ha! PLONK!" "Goodness! What was that?" See cartoon

Jungles
"Why have you got that steak on your head?" See cartoon

Land-locked countries
"Do you take cheques?" "Yes, Madam, we accept ..." See cartoon

Languages
"I don't seem to be very good at learning foreign languages." "Why don't you try Russian?" "Because ... " See cartoon

Literacy
"Just sign on the dotted line." "I'm afraid that I'm illiterate." See cartoon

Magic
"What do you get if you cross a magician with a bat?". See cartoon

Martial arts
"You silly boy! You've been fighting again, haven't you? You've lost your front teeth!" "No, I haven't, Mother. They're ..." See cartoon

Media
"What are you doing?" "The editor told me to ..." See cartoon

Migration
"Don't fly upside down, whatever you do!". See cartoon

Motorcycles
"You've got such a thick head!" "Why do you say that?" "You not only ride your motorbike without a helmut, but ..." See cartoon

Mountains
"I'm going to give up mountain-climbing now dear." "But this is the only mountain you've climbed!" "Yes, but I've ..." See cartoon

Music (classical)
"My tuba's broken. How can I fix it?" "Why don't you use a ..." See cartoon

Music (rock 'n' roll)
"I wanna rock 'n' roll!" See cartoon

Myths and legends
"Atlas! You're the greatest robber ever!" "Why?" "Because ..." See cartoon
"I'm going to give up teaching!" "Really? Why's that Cyclops?" "Because I've only got ... " See cartoon

Names
"What is allocate?" "It's what you say when ..." See cartoon

New Year
"Your husband certainly seems to be enjoying himself!" "Yes, I call him 'The Exorcist' "Really? Why's that?" See cartoon

New Zealand
"This is the key we New Zealanders have been searching for!" See cartoon

Nigeria
"What's thick, black, floats on water, and uses lots of bad words?". See cartoon

Numbers
"What's the scariest number?" "Seven" "Why?" See cartoon

Nursing
"Tetanus! TB! Measles!" "Why is he doing that?". See cartoon

Oceans and seafaring
"I don't need to weigh myself." "No? Why not?" See cartoon
"I knew we shouldn't have traded with that vegetable supply company." "No? Why not?" See cartoon
"My ship is like a shopping fanatic." "Really? Why's that?" "It's driven ..." See cartoon
"That boat down there looks like a snowdrift." "Why?" "Because ..." See cartoon
"Why is an island like the letter T?" "Because they're both in the ..." See cartoon
"You look like you're enjoying yourself." "Oh, yes! I'm having ..." See cartoon

Old age
"What do you call your grandfather?" "Anything I like ..." See cartoon

Olympic games
"He's the worst athlete in the world" "Yes. He ran a ..." See cartoon
"I'm freezing out here!" "Don't worry. I'm a ..." See cartoon

Overpopulation
"Are people in big cities stupid, Sir?" "No of course not! Why on earth do you ask?" "Because my book says ..." See cartoon

Papua new guinea
"Which language do you think he speaks?" "Pidgin" See cartoon

Parts of the body
"Why can finger nails never be more than eleven inches long?" See cartoon

Peace and peacekeeping
"Who are you? What are you doing here?" "Why, I'm a ..." See cartoon

Pets
"So you've eaten the cheese. Now what?" "I'm going to sit by this mouse hole ..." See cartoon
"Why are you chasing your tail, poor dog? " See cartoon

Philosophy
"Make me ..." See cartoon

Physical education
"We've got a test today. Do you know the stuff?" "No, I've forgotten" See cartoon

Physics
Physicists Are Funny Club. See cartoon

Pilgrims
"Where did the pilgrims land when they arrived in America?" See cartoon

Pirates
"How much did you pay for your peg leg and hook?" "An ..." See cartoon
"Thanks for lending me some of your treasure. I shall be forever in your debt." "Aaar matey! That's what ..." See cartoon

Polar regions
"My polar bear is really cheap to feed!" "Really? Why's that?" See cartoon
"What are you doing?" "I'm going against ..." See cartoon
"What's black and white and read all over?" "A sunburnt penguin?" "No, silly! A ..." See cartoon

Postal systems
"Do you enjoy working as a postman?" "Not really. It's very hard being given ..." See cartoon

Public services
"I don't like working for the Internal Revenue Service" See cartoon

Racial discrimination
"What are you doing?" "I'm going against ..." See cartoon

Records
"What are you doing, athlete?" "I'm going to ..." See cartoon

Recycling
"Quiet! You're talking rubbish again!" See cartoon
"Tomorrow you're all going to walk around the school grounds and collect rubbish." "Do we need any training?" "No ..." See cartoon

Refugees
"I don't wanna flee!" "Me ..." See cartoon

Rivers
"What do you get if you cross a river with a canoe?" See cartoon

Rock 'n' roll
"I wanna rock 'n' roll!" See cartoon

Royalty
"Your Majesty! Why have you been drawing straight lines all over this paper?" "Because ..." See cartoon

Scotland
"I've started feeding whisky to the chickens!" "Really? Why?" See cartoon

Slavery
"Just make sure you build this road completely straight." "Why, master?" "We don't want our soldiers ..." See cartoon

Smoking
"Do you know what's the result of smoking too much?" "No. What?" See cartoon

South Africa
"Do the tours include safaris? " See cartoon

Space
"Houston, we're coming home" "But you're supposed to stay on the moon for three days" "Well, I'm sorry, but ..." See cartoon
"I'm going to be an astronaut when I grow up" "Goodness ..." See cartoon

Staple foods
"I'm on a seafood diet." "Seafood? But that's turkey!" "Yes, but the more ..." See cartoon

Superstitions
"I was looking in the mirror when it suddenly broke." "Oh dear! That's seven years' bad luck, you know!" "Yes ..." See cartoon

Survival and rescue
"That boat down there looks like a snowdrift." "Why?" "Because ..." See cartoon

Taxation
"Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm an adder!" "Oh really? In that case, perhaps you could help me ..." See cartoon
"I don't like working for the Internal Revenue Service" See cartoon

Technophobia
"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like I'm part of the Internet!" "Hmm ... yes, you do look ..." See cartoon

Telephony
"It was the first time we met ... I told her I'd give her a ring ..." See cartoon

Television
"What's on the television tonight?" "Same as always - the ..." See cartoon

Tennis
"I'm sorry, but I can never marry you, darling!" "Why ever not?" "Because to you tennis players ..." See cartoon

Theatre
"Here's your ..." See cartoon
“I’d love to be an actress.” “Break your leg then!” “Whatever for?” “Because you’ll be ...” See cartoon

Toys
"I want to be a puppeteer when I grow up." "Oh really? Why's that?" "So that I can ...". See cartoon

Trains
"I'm sorry, darling, I'm a teacher and you're a train conductor. It will never work out." "Why do you say that?" "Because we're just so different! I ..." See cartoon

Transport
"I knew we shouldn't have traded with that vegetable supply company." "No? Why not?" See cartoon
"My ship is like a shopping fanatic." "Really? Why's that?" "It's driven ..." See cartoon
"That boat down there looks like a snowdrift." "Why?" "Because ..." See cartoon
"What do you get if you cross a river with a canoe?" See cartoon
"What's the problem? Why won't the car start?" "The battery's flat." See cartoon

Travel and holidays
"Do the tours include safaris? " See cartoon
"Do you take cheques?" "Yes, Madam, we accept ..." See cartoon
"How do I get to the Royal Opera House?" See cartoon
"Mummy?" "Yes, dear" "We didn't bring anything to eat" See cartoon
"They say you can make lots of money ..." See cartoon
"Which is the best day to go to the beach, do you think?" See cartoon
"Why are you bringing your surfboards to London?" "We heard that you've got ..." See cartoon
"You've got such a thick head!" "Why do you say that?" "You not only ride your motorbike without a helmut, but ..." See cartoon

Treasure
"Thanks for lending me some of your treasure. I shall be forever in your debt." "Aaar matey! That's what ..." See cartoon

Twins
"Goodness! Those two witches must be identical twins!" "Yes, I can't tell ..." See cartoon

United kingdom
"How do I get to the Royal Opera House?" See cartoon
"I knew we shouldn't have traded with that vegetable supply company." "No? Why not?" See cartoon
"I've started feeding whisky to the chickens!" "Really? Why?" See cartoon

United nations
"I love Eastern European and Middle-Eastern food. Where can I eat around here?" "You can ..." See cartoon

Universities
"When I was at university I was as smart as the next fellow." "What a pity the ..." See cartoon

USA
“How long has the Statue of Liberty been standing in New York harbour?” See cartoon
"What do you call an American with a toilet on his head?" See cartoon

Wales
"I knew we shouldn't have traded with that vegetable supply company." "No? Why not?" See cartoon

Water
"Can you vouch for the quality of the water?" "Madam, all drinking water in this establishment has been personally ..." See cartoon

Water sports
"What do you get if you cross a river with a canoe?" See cartoon
"Why are you bringing your surfboards to London?" "We heard that you've got ..." See cartoon
"Why are you lying on your back." "I've just had lunch and don't want to ..." See cartoon

Weather
"I never eat weathermen." "No, why not?" "Because ..." See cartoon
"What are you doing out here with your purse open?" "They said to expect some ..." See cartoon

Winter sports
"I'm going to give up skiing now I've made it to the top." "Really? Why?" "Because it's all ..." See cartoon

Women's rights
"I was a fool when I married you!" See cartoon

Wordplay
"What's the longest word you know?" "'Smiles', Miss." "'Smiles?'" See cartoon