An earthquake of 8
By Li Yiu Hang

An earthquake of 8.0 magnitude in Richter scale happened
People yelled for help
It turned Sichuan from heaven to hell
You see, children is crying
Adult is running!

People buried by the bubble
Charitsble organization came for help
Government act quickly
And help the people who need relief

It is a catastrophe
Many people are missing
Chinese people observe three minutes silence,
They also donate money
From 1dollar to thousand, to billion
People hearts are not iron anymore

A lot of sad stories caused in earthquake
But there are also brave people came out
For rescue the people in hell
For recover the hearts of the people alive

Although Sichuan is not a hell
It is a hell flood of love

Comments from Steve Roberts

Yiu, you have written a moving poem about a topic which evokes emotions.  I like the way you set the scene in the first verse of the poem, placing the reader at the centre of the tragedy.  You describe the effect of the event on the senses: you hear “yelling people” and “running adults”.  What do you think these people smelt, tasted and felt?

You move between different tenses throughout your poem.  When you use the Past Simple tense, “People yelled for help”, you are describing a finished event.   However, your use of the Present Continuous makes me feel as if I am in the middle of the disaster now: “Children are crying” and “Many people are missing”.  This can make the scene more real for the reader.  Be careful to use the correct form of the verb 'to be' here.

I like the way you reflect on the effects of the tragedy in the second last verse.  This brings the reader back to the present.  You then powerfully show the present effect of the past events by comparing the brave job of recovering bodies from the rubble (not “bubble”) with the recovering hearts of the people left alive.

Well done.

Writing Tips from Steve Roberts

When writing a poem about a past event, it is helpful to picture yourself at the scene when you brainstorm ideas.  Try to imagine what you hear, smell, see, taste and feel.  This will help make the experience more real for the reader as they imagine the effect of the event on their whole bodies.

The more detailed your description, the more engaging it will be for the reader.  This means that, once you have ideas about the effect of the scene on the senses, it is a good idea to think of a few adjectives.  For example, “I heard a scream” is not as powerful as, “I heard a piercing scream”.  These adjectives will not only make your poem more interesting but also help recreate the mood of the event.

Now that you have some detailed ideas, you can start organising them into a poem.  Think about the order of the events, what tenses you need, how long each paragraph should be and what punctuation you are going to use.  You may also decide to make the poem rhyme.  Finally, create a heading which makes the reader feel something.  This would be a good time to ask friends or teachers for their ideas before writing your final version.