Views about the Olympic lip-synching controversy
By Ngan Yuk Ling, Jolie

The Beijing Olympics had ended in the commendation of the world, especially the perfect sports facilities and the marvellous performance in the opening ceremony. However, the lip-synching of the little girl in the opening ceremony became a flaw of the Games, which has also aroused a controversy.

In my view, the lip-synching decision of the Chinese government was inexpediency. First, in terms of the national interest, the Chinese government had cheated the whole world in such a grand event and the reputation of China is ruined when fake singing has come to light. This makes the world to question the sincerity and honesty of China.

Then, this decision was unfair to the two girls who performed in the opening ceremony too. Yang, the one who sang, could not appear on stage because of her ‘chubby’ face even though she has a flawless voice. She was deprived of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to perform in front of the world. Lin, the one appeared in the ceremony, may be teased because of her fake singing. She may lose self-esteem when she grows up due to the damaged reputation. They are both innocent and should not be arranged at the expense of their future.

Last but not least, the Chinese government had sent a wrong message to the world. According to Mr. Chen, chief musical director of the show, why Yang was not chosen to appear was to project the right image to the world. Then, here comes the question: what is so right the image they projected? They were actually telling the world that beauty matters more talents, which must not do good to the world, including China herself.

Some may argue that the Chinese government just wanted a perfect performance. However, this is simply unconvincing. They can just pick a girl who is both pretty and excels at singing. It may be more difficult to find such a ‘perfect’ girl but not impossible.

All in all, appearance should not be the main key to choose a representative. It may be important but not a necessity.

Comments from Simon Overton

Jolie, this is a very interesting and thought-provoking essay. It has a strong structure, which makes it easy to read and makes your arguments very compelling. I do have some comments, however, about structure, vocabulary and grammar.

Your essay has some good examples of relative clauses (eg: last sentence, paragraph four), but also some that need improvement. In paragraph three we need to add a relative pronoun: 'Lin, the one who appeared in the ceremony...' In paragraph one I think we need to change the relative pronoun to a simple linking word: '[the lip-synching] became a flaw of the Games, and has also aroused a controversy.' If we use 'which' here, it sounds like the "controversy" and "the flaw" are two different things, but actually you are talking about the same thing (the lip-synching), so 'and' is better.

Your choice of vocabulary is generally very good, Jolie. Watch out for different word forms in English, though: paragraph two needs 'inexpedient', not "inexpediency". You should also try to avoid superlative language in this kind of writing: 'excellent sports facilities' and China's 'damaged reputation' are much more realistic. Perhaps at this point I can mention that your penultimate paragraph about finding "a 'perfect' girl" seems to reverse everything you've said before. Can this paragraph be removed?

Finally, some grammar points. You use the Past Perfect tense a few times in this essay, but I don't think we need it at all. Past Perfect is normally used in stories to show things that happened before the story time. In your essay, Past Simple and Present Perfect are good enough, so: 'The Beijing Olympics ended...', 'the Chinese government has cheated...' and 'has sent...' Remember that 'why' is normally only used in questions, so: 'According to Mr Chen [...] the reason Yang was not chosen...' Lastly, a few to+infinitives need to go: 'This makes the world question...' and 'appearance should not be the main key to choosing a representative...'

Writing Tips from Simon Overton

Jolie's essay is very well structured. It starts with some background information, then she gives her opinion and backs it up with three clear and distinct arguments, and she ends with a clear and simple conclusion. She has clearly planned this essay carefully, and this is very important in this kind of writing, especially to avoid writing anything unrelated or repetitious. Always plan your points and arguments when writing essays, even during exams.

Jolie also uses a number of idioms in her essay, for example: "fake singing has come to light", "the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity" and "the image they projected". Although idioms are usually associated with informal, spoken language, here they are quite appropriate: comments, opinions, reviews and commentaries in newspapers and magazines are full of idiomatic language. When writing a formal opinion piece, use idioms to colour your views and strengthen your arguments.