The English Premier League (EPL) recently announced that it was considering playing a 39th game in five international cities to try and satisfy the growing appeal of the EPL from football fans abroad. The idea was described as foolish and was rejected by the clubs, the fans, the authorities and the media but it may happen sometime in the future.
However, it is not the only foolish idea being suggested as football authorities try to continue the evolution of the game. There are many other ideas are in the pipeline and some could be used as early as next season.
Bad boys
The most radical changes will be those involving the officials controlling the game and the players breaking the rules. The idea of having two referees, one for each half of the pitch, was suggested some years ago but is now considered unnecessary in this age of younger and fitter referees. However, extra refereeing assistants are very likely, with the two assistants being joined by two or even four more officials with particularly good eyesight who will have special responsibilities for goal-line and offside decisions.
Football will also learn from other sports and take up the idea of the sin-bin from rugby. At the moment, players can receive two yellow cards and be sent off and therefore removed from the pitch for two relatively minor transgressions. This may delight the fans and players of the opposing team but most neutrals agree that it spoils the game and diminishes it as a spectacle. And as football is as much entertainment as sport nowadays then this is simply reducing the quality of that entertainment. The solution will be a ten-minute sentence spent on the sidelines in the sin-bin after which the player returns and can be permanently dismissed if they are shown a third yellow card.
Keep it simple, stupid
If football wants to broaden its appeal and find a new audience then it has to simplify its rules. Direct and indirect free kicks are confusing enough but the offside rule is simply unfathomable for most newcomers to the game and particularly the fairer sex. The solution would be simple- scrap the rule completely and allow footballers to actually play football and not perform elaborate line-dancing routines as they do at the moment.
Throw-in regulations will also be relaxed. After all, why should players have to hold the ball in both hands and pull it behind their heads before they throw it? Some players have particularly weak brains and simply never master this complex series of physical movements, so let’s stop shaking our heads and ridiculing them and change the rules. It’s called football, not throwball, so throw-ins will be replaced by a kick of the ball from the touchline, speeding up the action and focusing more on football skills than throwing skills.
There will also be unlimited rolling substitutions to keep the game flowing and prevent coaches stopping the game unnecessarily. Ice hockey already uses this idea very successfully and offers fans and viewers non-stop action, so why not have the same in football? The prospect of players being able to come on and off the pitch at any time is appealing in terms of excitement and would also reduce the likelihood of injury through fatigue.
Break-time
With all these rules for keeping the game flowing there needs to be some thought about breaks in the action. After all, when can fans go for snacks or drinks, chat on their mobile phones or answer the call of nature if the action is non-stop and constantly exciting? And what about the television viewers at home? They need to acknowledge the existence of their loved ones occasionally during matches and would welcome a break in the action for some essential social interaction and meaningless chitchat.
The suggestion is that the match would be split into four quarters, as they do in basketball, and limited to eighty minutes, as they do in rugby. However, this would be eighty real minutes, with the clock stopped when there is a break in the action. This allows for those vital breaks for fans and viewers and also allows television companies to provide us with even more educational information from suppliers of high-quality products and services.
These foolish changes may be resisted at first but believe me they will soon be in place. After all, who would have thought we’d have players wearing the number 39 on their backs and the names of online gambling companies on the front of their shirts? And who would have thought that referees would be using microphones, earpieces and vibrating sensors? But when you hear about the next foolish rule changes in football, always check the date. After all, not everything you hear and read is true on April Fool’s Day.
Sources
No additional sources
Understanding the story
1. What is today known as?
2. What is special about news received today?
3. What is the story about?
4. Is the story mainly about the past, present or future?
5. Is the information true?
Ideas
1.What ideas are copied from these sports?
a. Rugby (two ideas)
b. Ice hockey
c. Basketball
2.What do these meanings describe in the story?
a. a place where a ten-minute sentence is spent on the sidelines
b. players being able to come on and off the pitch at any time
c. to hold the ball in both hands and pull it behind the head before throwing it
d. removed from the pitch for two relatively minor transgressions
Vocabulary
Match the words in bold in the story with the meanings below.
1. extreme tiredness
2. being planned and expected to happen soon
3. something that isn’t allowed
4. very detailed and complicated
5. making fun of someone or something in an unkind way
6. completely necessary
7. becomes less
8. very different from usual
9. the chance that something might happen
10. impossible to understand or explain
What do you think?
Which of these foolish rules will be used first in the EPL?
Understanding the story
1. April Fool’s Day
2. Not everything you hear and read is true
3. Ideas for improving football by changing the rules
4. Future
5. Possibly but it’s mostly not true
Ideas
1a. eighty-minute matches and the sin-bin
1b. rolling substitutions
1c. four quarters
2a. the sin-bin
2b. rolling substitutions
2c. throw-ins
2d. being sent off
Vocabulary
Match the words in bold in the story with the meanings below.
1. fatigue
2. in the pipeline
3. transgressions
4. elaborate
5. ridiculing
6. essential
7. diminishes
8. radical
9. likelihood
10. unfathomable
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